i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
