So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
