I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
