I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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