I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize