I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
