Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
