i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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