I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
