Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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