You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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