you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
