You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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