trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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