so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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