Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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