you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
