we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
