That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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