I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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