No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
