turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
