Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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