Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
