i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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