Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
