I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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