This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
