I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
