I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
