She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
