my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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