I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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