it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize