Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
