Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
