I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
