the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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