Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
