Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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