did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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