I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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