the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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