well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
