Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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