Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
