are you still at the devil's house?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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