At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
