i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
