Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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