we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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