I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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