she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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