Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
