dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
