I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
