You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
