i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
