i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
