I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
