it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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