omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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