the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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