shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
