THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize