THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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