Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
zippers are such a cool invention
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
