people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
